Real Talk.

Take me back a year and some change and I'm at the end of a serious relationship and have no idea what Heavenly Father has planned for me. I just knew the relationship was wrong- for a myriad of reasons- and ended it.

Can i just tell you how much the end of a relationship sucks? Because it does, majorly. Anyone who has had their heart broken can attest to it. 10/10 would not recommend.

But this isn't about a broken heart, this post is about a healing heart.

So, in the midst of my storm, i ran to the Temple. Well, i got a ride, but you get where i am going with this. To be honest, i was frustrated with my Father in Heaven. I was upset that a relationship i grew so much it had ended and i felt as if i lost my best friend and i was frustrated. I was frustrated that I had to remake my entire future, that everything we had planned just became dust. So, i told Him how frustrated i was with the entire situation, how hurt i was. Then when i had told Him that i asked Him what He wanted me to do. Where did He want me to go from here?

In that moment He gave me peace. Peace?! I thought, I want answers please. Sometimes i think i can hear Heavenly Father laughing at me, in a very loving way, as He tells me to breathe for a moment.

{You have more to do within these walls, my Child.}

That was my answer that came out of left field. That's what He wanted me to do? I wasn't getting married, i wasn't going on a mission- did i have any business receiving my Endowment?

Then my Spirit soared and took my brain into over drive. Why not? I've been preparing for it my entire life!

Spoiler alert: When i know what i want there's very little that can stop me. 

Two days later i sat in my Bishops office, three days later i started my first interview, and a week later i walked away with my Temple Recommend.

I walked around my apartment complex, crying with humility as i talked with my mother and sister. My brothers words to me will continually resonate within my heart, "I am proud that you are willing to work hard at having peace in your life!"

Let me tell you, that was the longest month in existence. Finally, November 28th came.
It was a rainy day, and i stepped back out into the real world after my first time through i felt a shift within me. Life has not been the same since, it has been filled with so much more substance and joy.

My perspective had been so narrow and it had been so hard to see why i had been thrown into one of the biggest storms of my life only a couple months earlier.

It was as if a film had been taken from my eyes and suddenly an eternal perspective shifted into place. From that day in the Temple i made a promise to myself: I would do all that i could to chase goodness.

Chasing goodness is my journey. It is a never ending journey that is fraught with tears, laughter, and constant progression. It's like a cha-cha sometimes, one step forward and two steps back. It's not perfect, but it has been the greatest decision i have ever made.